New blogger Bella is here with some sex education about balls…and turkeys!
I am petrified of balls, testicles, cum sacs, crown jewels, whatever you choose to call them. For the longest time I didn’t know what to do with them. This part of sex education always seemed to escape me. They were just this extra piece of the puzzle that seemed to be different for every guy.
different strokes
Some like slapping, some like fondling, some are like “don’t touch them!” It was in the middle of all this that I had my first experience cooking a turkey. You might be wondering what the heck a guys balls have to do with cooking a turkey but I promise, I’ll get to that.
Turkeys bring to mind holidays and family (or America if you’re feeling patriotic). They make you think of cozy kitchens with lots of food. Well up until a year ago I had never been the one to prepare the turkey. I had lived in ignorant bliss as far as the turkey was concerned. I would occasionally have the role of taking Tom (the turkey) out of the freezer but that was it. Somehow this last holiday season I ended up with an extra turkey floating around.
It was my brilliant idea to cook this turkey with no obligations, no family, no expectations pressuring me to make this the best fucking holiday meal ever. So I proceeded to look up basic recipes to cook this hunk of meat. When I had landed on a recipe that sounded a little challenging but not overwhelming I proceeded to prepare the turkey.
Step 1:
Preheat the oven to 325℉ – This was the easiest and least disgusting part of the whole process.
Step 2:
Season the turkey inside and out. – The preparations took a turn at this point. I had to actually touch the turkey and rub seasoning all over it. I had a realization. It felt almost exactly like a guy’s balls! I couldn’t stop laughing after this. Then I thought, why not use it to practice some of the techniques I used on a guy’s balls.
Techniques I practiced:
Put lube on it. Similar to the turkey, lubed testicles slide through your hands easier and can cause different sensations for your man. Just make sure it’s a lube you like the taste of if you plan to suck on those balls later.
Give it a nice caress. Think about gentling massaging the seasoning into the turkey. Use a similar caress when playing with your man’s sac. Be gentle but not too gentle. Ask what he likes and if he asks you to be rougher, take his lead.
Get the pressure right. Similar to the turkey he doesn’t want you to be to rough or you might ripe something. Play around with the pressure you apply and see what he likes. It might depending on how sensitive he is feeling that day.
Slap it. This technique might not work for everyone. Some guys don’t like their balls slapped but if they do, take the opportunity to explore this. Start with some light “slaps” making the balls jiggle a bit. Ask if he likes it and proceed accordingly.
I can’t speak for the turkey but…
I know many guys who have loved these methods and keep coming back for more. What can I say, I have talented hands (and mouth but that’s another story).
P.S. If you still want to know how to cook a turkey put it in the roasting pan and tent it with foil. Cook 2 hours for a 10-12 lb fella and add an extra 15 min per pound. Then you’re done and ready to pull that bird out the oven. Go ahead and enjoy all that hard work you’ve put in. But don’t forget to go forth and fondle some balls or this turkey lesson will have been for not. Happy fondling!
