Cordelia is back with more sex education about chronic pain and sex.

So I’ve been asked a couple times how it’s possible to still have sex when you deal with chronic pain.

First off, there’s the mental level of it. You really need to focus on being able to get out of your own head, whether that’s meditating before hand, learning how to focus on your partner…I know it’s difficult but it all starts there. I know some days the pain is bad you can’t focus on anything but that but I’ve found learning how to meditate (or even listening to those apps with crashing waves, birds, whatever…) helps get your brain to focus on something else.

You can train your brain.

I know this, because I have.

Next, you have to figure out what works for you. It takes some experimentation but it’s doable. Start with learning how to communicate with your partner. Tell them. TELL THEM. They’re not mind readers, if something hurts, they don’t and won’t know unless you put it out there.

Try different positions.

Got a bad shoulder like I do? Chances are doggy/bent over something, pinning arms above your head, arms ties behind your back, etc…it’s not going to be for you. But maybe on your stomach, missionary, on your side…whatever works.

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You can also do what I do… towels, pillows, blankets become my best friends on bad days. I figure out a way to place an ice pack on my shoulder, then stuff some blankets around it to support it. Is it sexy? Nope. Do I care? Also nope. We’ve learned to get over the awkwardness of how stupid my arm looks propped up on a pillow mountain but guess what? Pillow mountain is better than no orgasms, isn’t it?

You can also try using heating pads before hand to get things moving/loosen up (I mean on whatever area you deal with chronic pain…) and then icing afterward. Icing is really important.

Avoid creams like icy hot, real time pain relief, etc BEFORE sex… I can tell you from experience that getting RTPR on your V by accident is no walk in the damn park.

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It really is possible. I promise your sex life doesn’t have to tank because your body hates you. You just need to learn how to communicate with your partner (because as hard as they try, they can’t understand it completely.) and find the magical combination that works to make sex fun again. But listen to your body too, if it’s too much, it’s too much. STOP. There’s nothing wrong with stopping. Just be careful!

Most importantly, have fun! Don’t worry so much, let sex happen!

@CMichaelsonblog

Check out another blog by Cordelia about Keeping the Spark with Chronic Pain HERE