Pro-Domme Interview
Cordelia Michaelson
Sassmaster whose life revolves around horses and crime shows.
Cordelia is here with some sex education about being a pro-domme!
Today I was lucky enough to touch base with a woman who has been a pro-domme for almost a decade for my interview series. First and foremost, I’d like to thank her for taking the time to answer the questions I had for her, especially with how much time and detail she put into it! Check out the interview below!How long have you been a dominatrix?
I’ve been working as a pro-domme for 8 years.Are your clients male, female, or both?
Nearly always male, though I’ll very occasionally have a couple contact me. I recently had a guy hire me to dominate his girlfriend while he watched. They have a very kinky relationship and he thought it would be fun to bring someone else in for a night. We all had a great time. I’ve also had women hire me as a gift for their male partners, but not attend the session themselves. One time a long-term regular had his wife catch him emailing me. She got very jealous and angry, and then got very turned on and asked if she could join in. I did a few doubles with them, and then she got insecure about it and forbade him from seeing me again. Naturally, he didn’t listen to her and kept seeing me secretly. But she was technically one of my other female clients. In theory, I love the idea of seeing more couples, but managing the power dynamic between multiple people can be hard
What was the strangest request you’ve ever received and how do you handle “out there” requests?
To do this work well, you have to be very open-minded and empathetic. I am the person people confide in when they’re scared or ashamed. Sometimes they tell me things they’ve never admitted to anyone before. So after experiencing enough situations like that, you stop seeing anything as “weird.” It’s an honor to be someone’s confidante and help them experience the things that intrigue, excite or terrify them. I do have my personal limits and things that I don’t do, and when that happens I tell them very politely and gently that I’m not the right person for them but I hope they find what they need. I’m very sensitive about shaming any potential client or making them feel bad about what they want.What is your favorite thing about being a dominatrix?
I like what my sessions can do for someone, how they can make them feel. How a few hours with me can open up a new part of their heart and mind and let them experience something they never have before. It can be transformational and beautiful, and I often feel I get as much out of the session as they do. It’s a lot of fun for me.Do you enjoy what you do or is it just another way to pay the bills?
This is always a frustrating question for sex workers. I wonder how quickly people would feel asking this of other professionals, if there’s something that makes people feel emboldened to ask me this but not their dentist or accountant. I think it relates to the assumption that none of us have real autonomy in this profession, though realistically, we often do to the extent anyone else in a capitalist society does. When clients ask me this, I find it’s usually rooted in insecurity in themselves. They’re not actually asking “Do you like the business you’ve chosen for yourself and spent years developing and perfecting?” They’re asking “Do you really like me? Because I feel insecure when I have to pay you.” To answer you: I adore my job, and charging for my work is part of the job.Do you work with married clientele? Does this make a difference or change your views on a person?
All the time! And no, it doesn’t. I do find married men can occasionally be more clingy than unmarried ones. I think this is because they see me as a fantasy to take them out of the life they might feel stuck in. They also seem to have an easier time letting go and getting wrapped up in their feelings for me, because they ultimately have this safety net of a wife or family that they know will bring them back to reality if they need it. The security makes it easier to let go and get carried away.How do you handle turning down a client/requests, do you?
Politely and professionally. Unless someone is truly disrespectful, I answer every email, even if there is a reason I decide I don’t want to see them.Was figuring out your limits difficult?
Not necessarily. Limits do change over time, so it can take some work to check in with yourself about them. And then if a client is accustomed to one thing and my boundary around it changes, that can take some work and negotiation.What advice would you give someone who either wants to become a dominatrix? Or perhaps a slave that’s nervous about coming into the scene?
Study under people who know what they’re doing, or join a house. There’s a lot to learn, so take your time and don’t expect it to be easy money. Do it, at least to some degree, because you care about the work. We are all in it to make money, of course, but I find building a clientele and earning a good income as a pro domme to be harder than with other types of sex work. It’s really not this easy cash-grab the way that we read about sometimes, where you can show up and be a bitch to guys indiscriminately and then they throw money at you. If you’re a potential client: think about the expense and make peace with it before you contact us. It’s very frustrating, and comes across as disrespectful,when a man wants to email back a bunch but isn’t ready to book. Having a few initial questions before you decide is fine, but please do your research on things that you can find out on your own. Be aware of her screening preferences, and don’t contact her if you’re not willing to comply. Treat your sex worker like you would any other professional: ask your provider for a session with enough notice (not all, but most of us hate last-minute requests), respect her time, and let her take the lead, as she’s the professional here. This isn’t dating. Find someone who looks like they enthusiastically offer what it is you’re seeking, and schedule your session like you would an appointment with any other professional service provider. For example, a guy emailed me “Can I send you a note when they Warriors game is over and see if you’re free?” No! I don’t sit around in latex waiting for your call. I put time and effort into making our session perfect. Most of us take pride in what we do and want to be treated and respected like the brilliant, experienced pros that we are. Come in with an open mind, but don’t be afraid to speak up if something is going badly for you. I think it can be a hard line to walk for some people between being truly submissive and still making it clear what kind of activities or tone you’re seeking from a scene. Sometimes it’s better to give up control and the urge to micromanage. So many of the guys who come to us lead stressful lives and say they’re seeking the relief of letting go, but then find actually letting go and submitting to be very difficult. There is a balance between letting someone else take the lead and letting the scene go somewhere you truly didn’t want it to. This is why initial negotiation is so important!
I want to take a minute to thank Mistress Lux for taking the time to answer some of these questions. If you’re liking these interviews, please let me know. I have a couple more lined up (same type of interviews, different folks.) So I would love to know if you’re enjoying learning more about these different parts of the sex industry as well as different relationship types.
I took the time to look around Mistress Lux’s website and I had -no- idea how much time and effort goes into being a pro-domme. I suppose that’s true for most aspects of the SW industry (meaning, I wasn’t aware) so I’m glad to have some people that are willing to talk about their experiences and deal with the questions from someone like me.
To reach Mistress Lux: www.mistresslux.com
To reach Cordelia: cordeliamichaelson@gmail.com | Twitter: @CMichaelsonblog
Check out some other interviews by Cordelia HERE
