Blogger Cordelia is back with some interviews and sex education about sex after kids! 

1.) Are you in a long term/committed relationship?

One: Yes.

Two: Yes – Married.

Three: Yes – 21 years.

2.) Is sex still a fun, spontaneous thing or do you find yourself having to plan date nights or having to plan out some nookie?

One: Very much spontaneous as we never know how long one or both of the kids will sleep – also we are on different shifts.

Two: You’re hysterical after 22 years he’s lucky to get any.. but if the mood strikes it is spontaneous.

Three:  Sex is absolutely still fun. When the kids were young we had to adjust a little but we’ve always been very affectionate even with the kids around. We would snuggle on the couch still and watch movies, kiss, hug, hold hands, and tell each other how much we loved one another in front of our kids as we wanted them to know they were secure in their household and our relationship was strong. It also helped them to know what strong relationships looked like, my parents never did that and I was always worried growing up.

3.) Since we’re talking about sex after kids, is sex still a fun, enjoyable, drawn out thing or is a five minute quickie before the kids barge in like the kool-aid man?

One: Sex was definitely more enjoyable prekids but part of that was I also liked my body prekids. Currently, any time he tries to hook up I just start body shaming myself and fuck my head up so much that sex doesn’t seem worth it. Lately, we’ve gotten to do more than quickie which is helping our relationship and keep us from feeling we are simply using each other.

Two: Again… sometimes things take longer to work and sometimes they work quickly. But I don’t worry about kids (they’re teenagers).

Three:   Our children were taught to respect a closed door including each others, if a door was closed they were taught to knock first..yes we started that early we always talked to our kids and explained things on their terms so they understood. We knocked on their doors if they were closed even when they were very young so they understood everyone had to follow that policy. We always took our time together but that was pushed off until bed time when the kids were around lol no day time fun till they started school or were out of the house. It’s no fun being interrupted.

4.) Do you still get to dress up/enjoy toys?

One: Dress up not really – again because we are on different shifts so don’t get a chance to see each other much. Toys I get to occasionally when my kids are actually sleeping in their own beds, but again I’m unhappy with my post kid bod and sometimes don’t see the point. I’d rather sleep.

Two: I enjoy toys on my own. Let’s get down to business…

Three:  We’ve used tlys occasionally and haven’t played dressup for awhile since I’m still getting adjusted to my body after major surgery. While I know I’m still as beautiful to him, I’m not there yet.

5.) What was the biggest change in your sex life after kids came into the picture? What can new parents expect?   

One: I had almost no sex drive for the first six months after my kids were born. It may be because I nursed or whatever but I had no desire for anything – according to my fiancé the amount of Bjs he receives has gone down significantly.

Two: Very limited time and energy. I had 3 kids in 35 months. I swear to god after the first 1 I had sex 2 more times and got pregnant each time. (Breastfeeding, mini pill and condoms were used religiously). My breasts hurt… took a long time for me to want them touch in a sexual way. They literally became feed bags. Your body doesn’t go back to pre pregnancy shape – ever or without a lot of hard work. Sex is less frequent, more of getting a physical need out of the way.

Three: The biggest change was no late mornings drug out in bed or going to bed anytime we wanted. Expect to make time for each other and be patient as it takes time to adjust to the new dictator telling you when you’re in the mood.

6.) How did you get you sexual prowess back after having kids?  

One: Learning to love your new self, feeling appreciated for the little, exhausting shit you do to keep the kid(s) alive daily – things like that, for me anyway, go a long way to making me give up on a chance at a nap.

Two: I haven’t. I did get some more toys though and thought about selling them.

Three: Our kids drew us closer together as now we had a special connection that only child can bring. We made that! It’s pretty special to see your spouse love this precious little baby and snuggle them and share special moments. It’s a heady feeling to know that together you created something so special.

7.) Was it hard to feel sexually attractive after having kids or did they make you feel empowered as a woman?

One: 100% hard – I’m fiercely proud of my children and their birth stories but did not need them to validate me as a woman and they have really only served to derail my sex drive.

Two: I still don’t feel sexy. I still feel inadequate.

Three: It took a little bit to feel like myself again but he always made sure to tell me how beautiful I was and how attracted he was to the “new” body I had.

8.) How do you find the sexual drive after a long day of dealing with your kids and other daily responsibilities?

One: Non existent- I’ll be at work and have a little Day dream about what we’ll do when the kids go to bed… realty is me passing out nursing the baby and he’s left to deal with himself.

Two: Honestly I don’t. I do my wifely duty once a month. Sometimes I need a good fuck and things don’t work out.

Three: Some days you just don’t. You just have to remember that the person you are with is just as tired as you and you still have to make eachother feel special and loved. We liked to take our baths together after the kids went to bed, it gave us time to talk and connect befkre we just jumped into bed.

9.) Do you still have sex as often as you used to?

One: Fuck no.

Two: Nope. 1-2 a month down from 1-2 per day.

Three:  No, not really but we are alittle older than we used to be and major surgeries effect how I feel alot of day as I still have alot of pain from the nerve damage.

10.) Is it possible to find the time for an active sex life when you have kids?

One: It’s possible if both partners are willing to understand what the other one needs.

Two: Not when they have health issues and your husband gets up at 4:00 am and is bed by 8.

Three: Absolutely!

11.) How did you deal with your body changes after pregnancy? 

One: It’s taken me a long time to not hate my body after kids – I was losing the first baby weight when I had the second kid and was bitter about starting over. I just felt fat and angry – nursing makes you hungry all the time and unlike the old wives tale the weight didn’t just fall off I actually gained more whole nursing than I did while pregnant. Super unfair.

Two: I still have pain from c-sections and recent hysterectomy. I actually think I may have gotten a hernia last night lifting a patient (I’m an EMT and in nursing school). So off to the doc Tuesday. I don’t feel sexy. My belly hangs low, I can’t feel the majority of my abdominal area or left leg. My left side of my abdomen is differently shaped than my right side. My husband says I’m sexy- I don’t see it. Stretch marks galore.

Three: It took some time to feel comfortable in my new skin after the kids but I had a wonderful husband that was always telling me how wonderful I still was to him. I think in all honesty it made it better after kids because all the good and bad was already there and we were comfortable with each other.

12.) Is sexting a thing in your relationship? Does it help?  This includes sending nudes/videos too.

One: It’s not a thing with us – that’s never been a turn on for me.

Two: I tried. He wasn’t receptive- he’d rather have the real thing… then sometimes if I do send stuff, by the time I have time he’s asleep.

Three:   No this wasn’t something that we were into, we tried it a couple time years ago but just wasn’t for us.

13.) If you pregnancies were planned and your followed the sex only when you’re ovulating, how did that change your sex life?

One: Neither were planned. Both failed birth control.

Two: My goal with number 1 was to get pregnant. My cycle was irregular and and we had sex too frequently anyway… so it had to go to every other day. The other 2 I swear he looked at me sideways and I got pregnant.

Three: We had one “planned” but it was more of a lets enjoy “practice” until we get there and when it happens it does.

14.) Were your deliveries c-section or vaginal? How did that change your sex life.

One: Vaginal – I’m not sure I can answer this. My partner came into the scene while I was pregnant with my first but we did not have sex until he was 6 months old. We’ve never had sex prior to pregnancy.

Two: (No answer given) 

Three:  Vaginal for all three, and after the recovery time things went right back to normal.

15.) If you had one piece of sexual advice for new parents or expecting parents, what would it be?

One: Guys – fuck off. It’s not about you, don’t push. She’s still healing and doesn’t need to feel guilt for not wanting your dick back in her right away on top of all the other new shit going on. Appreciate that your partner has just brought new life, that your created together, and she’ll hop back on when she’s ready.

Two: Have sex when you want it. You won’t hurt the fetus. Celebrate your body. Eat healthy and exercise when you can… it helps things become more ummm aerobic.

Three:  Make sure that even if you aren’t actually having sex that you cherish one another. Show affection, it doesn’t have to end in sex every time, it is important to know that you are loved and still attracted to each other and want to be close to each other. Love makes a relationship strong and while sex is important it is not everything so even if you are cut back to just a couple days a week, hold each other and love eachother everyday.

Email: cordeliamichaelson@gmail.com || Twitter: CMichaelsonblog