Cordelia is back to give us some education on wax play during sex and foreplay!

So the more Tawney asks me to write for her, the more I find myself diving into new worlds (like fetish worlds…balloon blog, for example.) I’m actually having a lot of fun with it. I was spit balling for some blog ideas with a friend and she sort of timidly peeped up with “what about hot wax play? Because I kind of want to try it.” And dammit did she strike up my curiosity. I haven’t actually tried this yet but man, I’m excited to play.

Getting started:

According to several sources, wax play is one way to get started in the world of BDSM. It’s beginner level and easy enough to take part in. Plus, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen your partner naked in the slow glow of candles but it’s actually pretty sexy. One of my fondest memories in my six year relationship is our two year anniversary. I got a candle light massage before we got down to the business and it was one of the most relaxing things I’ve ever experienced and my partner and I got to connect on a pretty deep level. Anyhow, back to the wax play. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING before we go ANY further, DO NOT use a regular candle. Seriously, using a regular candle can and will end with one of you getting some pretty nasty burns and breaking my number one rule of staying the fuck out of my E.R. So don’t do it, okay? The have special candles for this activity called massage candles. Most of them are anywhere from $6 and run all the way up to $30.

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What’s the difference?

What’s the difference in regular candles and massage candles? Well, massage candles are soy-based for starters (no, this doesn’t mean use regular soy candles) and unlike regular candles, they melt into oil and -not- wax. Wax WILL burn you. The scent of the candle is something you want to keep in mind too. A lot of different scents can trigger certain reactions and essential oil infused candles can have added benefits. Personally, I hate certain smells like Eucalyptus. So for me, it would end up being more of a turn off. I also hate floral stuff. So make sure you touch base with your partner.

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Now that you picked out your massage candle and have it in your eager hands, how do you start? Light your candle and let it burn for about thirty minutes. While you’re waiting for your candle to start melting, you and your partner can get the ball rolling in the shower. Letting it burn will allow the candle to melt evenly, not only making it easier to use in the future but it creates a container of sorts. That will allow you to not only slowly pour it on your partner but you’ll be able to dip your fingers in it and spread it around that way as well. Some of them even come with special brushes to use as well.

BEFORE POURING

Blow out the candle. Unlike a regular candle, the wax doesn’t get hard immediately. In fact, it will stay melted for almost a half an hour before it starts to harden again. This gives you plenty of time to play without the worry of being burned or you know…accidentally setting something on fire. Also, because massage candle wax takes so long to harden, if your partner can’t handle wax that’s too hot, it’s easier to let this kind of wax/oil to cool down a little bit before you actually pour it.

Are there special places to pour the wax?

For starters, don’t ever pour the wax in your body – basically, keep it away from the V. I know that might be disappointing to some but you can actually get some pretty nasty infections from using this on your vagina. Oil doesn’t stay in one spot and slides to places it should be. Keep in mind, the wax turns into massage oil. The neck, collarbone and shoulders are three great places to start. The feet are another because a foot massage is actually show to cause arousal. From there, you can creep up to the backs of the knees and the inner thighs. The back and butt are another good place (again, careful of the oil dripping too long.).

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The aftermath

Cleaning up after massage candle play is actually a freakin’ breeze. The massage oil contains vitamin e and another great things for moisturizing, it’s obviously skin safe too. That said, if you want to just leave it and call it a night, you can. It won’t hurt you. It’ll be like going to bed after a massage…like a professional massage. If it’s too greasy for you, you can always jump in the shower and wash off. If it’s used on the feet, be REALLY careful when getting in the shower. Seriously, you don’t want to slip, fall, and ruin your fun night. Keep in mind – if you have allergies or sensitive skin, candle play might not be for you. Make sure you REALLY research the candles you’re using them, some of them could have a lot of additives, some of them contain tree-nuts. Do your research. Also be mindful of where you’re playing. Try not to leave a burning candle unattended (if you’re going to shower like I mentioned above, bring your candle with you and leave it on the sink counter away from towels). Also make sure whatever sheets you’re using/surface you’re playing on isn’t something you’re going to get pissed about if the oil happens to stain it or the wax hardens to it.

Research First!

As always, do your research and discuss this with your partner before you surprise them with a candle. This is play that could be really, really fun. Just be careful and know what you’re getting into before you go balls to the wall. Play safely, consensually, and responsibly. Keep Fido out of it and stay the hell out of my E.R. please! You don’t want to end up on a future “Sex fails from the E.R” blog, do you? To contact Cordelia: Cordeliamichaelson@gmail.com | Twitter: CMichaelsonblog

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