@Milfapalooza is here to touch base on a very difficult topic for most of us…depression.
Be sure to check out her incredible blog at www.curvyasfuck.com for more.
I know I said I was going to post more and I swear, my intentions were to do just that. However, lately I have been in underwater funk of depression/lethargy that I just can’t quite completely pull myself out of and I just haven’t felt like my words would matter to anyone else. I have good days, even good weeks from time to time, but it sneaks up on me when I least expect it. Which I think is the scariest part of this disease.
The Goliath to so many Davids…
Depression/Anxiety Disorder and Mental Illness can do that to people. It can take the most confident appearing friend or family member and turn them into someone you barely see or hear from. It can shatter your good mood like a ceramic bowl and will leave you to piece yourself back together without a single care about the slivers you might get in your fingers or how after you try to glue it back, it will never look the way it originally did ever again. It’s fickle in who it tortures and laughs in the face of anyone who tries to take it to task. It’s the Goliath to so many Davids. And there are no rocks big enough to ever really take it down.
And, sadly, what I’ve found since I started working in the adult industry is Depression isn’t just living among us…it’s the mother fucking dictator of our super small community. Maybe it’s because a lot of us come from a place of hurt, whether we experienced it in our youth or later on in our lives. Or maybe we are the most vulnerable because we march to a drummer who’s beat no one else can appreciate. Whatever the reason, it is here. And it needs to be addressed more.
The truth of it all
In the last few months there have been five suicide related deaths in the adult entertainment industry that we even know of. And with our professions being stigmatized and discriminated against not just by our peers or family but by high public and government officials it can feel like the weight of the world on our already over burdened shoulders is going to break us.
I spent the greater part of my life feeling like I was never good enough…
or what I did have to offer was only acceptable when the lights were dim and the clothes were off. I never felt appreciated or respected or that I had any value. And, as I have aged and matured ,I have found that is simply not the case…my depression can resurface and very easily convince me everything I learned about my self worth has been a lie. No matter how strong you think you are, and no matter long you think you have been fighting and winning, it can slam you to the floor with one whack to the back of your knees and remind you who is boss.
With that said, I just wanted to poke my head in the room and let you all know that while I am still here…I, and countless women and performers you admire and lust after, are fighting battles you know nothing about behind the scenes. And we need your respect, patience, empathy and understanding just as much as we need your financial support. Ask your favorite cam girl how her day is. Buy her content. Tell her you look forward to seeing her. Give her space when she seems down. Refrain from being rude, sexist or abusive. And be more than just a client…be a human being who cares and worries and wants nothing but the best for the models who provide you company when you need them.
I promise to open the door more and come hang out with you if you promise to read my words and apply them every and any chance you can.
Life is all about give and take and compromise and I look forward to doing that more with you guys.
Be good.
