Cordelia is back with some sex education about spicing up your sex life in a long term relationship.

In the past, I’ve written a few blogs that talk about my relationship. Yes, I have only slept with one person and we’ve been together for a little over six years now. As I mentioned in that blog, sometimes people ask how it’s possible to stay monogamous and how we manage to keep the spark alive.

Here’s the reality –

We don’t have sex every day like we did when we first started dating. Between my chronic pain issues (check out my blog about that here) and his job (He shoes horses, from April-ish until November he works six days a week, nine to sixteen hours a day) granted, he always works six days a week but summer months are when horseshows are held which means their workload increases tenfold. Sometimes they (He and his boss) get home so late he sleeps there because it’s an almost a two hour commute. So let’s be real, sometimes we’re both really, really, tired. It’s not that we don’t WANT to or have lost interest. Which sometimes, if you’re not open with your partner, it can feel that way.

So what are some ways I suggest keeping the spark?

Sexting – It works for some, it doesn’t work for everyone. Sometimes it works for us, especially when he’s staying up at his boss’s house and I have a whole day/night to tease him and get him excited to come home. That said, it’s not just sexting that can be fun, starting something in the morning before work, when you both know there isn’t enough time to finish can really bring a certain amount of spice. You can keep that going throughout the day with naughty texts and then it’s REALLY game on when one of you gets home.

Meeting him at the door naked when he gets home from work

Crawling into bed naked after a nice long shower…

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TALK ABOUT IT –

make sure you have an open line of communication with your partner, this is VITAL to not only make sure both of your needs are being met but to tell your partner ‘hey, I’m still super into you, I’m just tired.’

Do something new –

whether it’s finding a sex game to play like sex dice, roleplaying at the bar and “taking each other home”, maybe try something like buying a book of new sex positions, try a new kink you guys might be into like wax play, watch porn together. We actually love watching porn together occasionally. There are a bunch of fun games on Amazon that you can purchase (like the sex dice, a few card games, 20 questions, etc.) and there’s also a ton of lists on google if you type in sex games.

Coupons are another cool thing we like to do. Usually for birthdays/Christmas, we’ll do a few homemade coupons like “This is redeemable for one twenty minute blow job.” You get the idea. These are pretty fun because you never know when they’re coming.

Just because you’ve been with someone for a long time doesn’t mean you can’t try some new things. Maybe it’s having sex in a new spot in the house, perhaps it’s sending a naughty photo. There are hundreds of ways to keep the spark alive. The key thing is, it will take effort from both partners. If you find your spark is dulling out, I highly suggest the book The Five Love Languages. It really helped my boyfriend and I.

Understand that sex isn’t the only way to spice up your sex life. Go back to the beginning, romance each other, get to know each other again.

KISSING – Make out but don’t have sex. It’ll make you feel like a kid again.

Foreplay!

I’m also a big fan of couples counseling. Sometimes it helps to have a third party mediate things if they’re tense or there’s some kind of rut you can’t get through together.

Make time for each other. No matter what. There’s nothing worse than being with someone but feeling like you’re alone.